My Type

You have a type, he says
That only you can define
because it's yours.

Pleading against his indifference
I try to convince him that, No!
I don't
That I crave HIM
yet he insists
you have a type.

And this type, he identifies
which he embodies in the way he thinks
talks, fucks, breathes, walks, fucks...
happens to be the 'type' that I crave
when he fucks me like the ghetto
dirty and cruel
fast and hard
leaving me breathless
powerless
asking for more of the crack that he injects into my veins.

This type
that makes me plead with tear-filled eyes
angry sighs
waiting on his call, his voice, his words
this indifference after we fuck
after he pulls the rug from under my feet
shatters me like glass
into a million pieces
shards so sharp they cut pain into my spirit
carve despair into my core.

His type, that I know, yet I don't
because we've spent hours not talking
just me giving
and him taking
Just him
fucking me like his ghetto
dirty
cruel
hard
fast
leaving me breathless
powerless
craving his brand of crack
turning my eyes from his indifference
trying to pull myself away
from this type
my type
his type

Doing A Lot Of Reading

and not a lot of writing...that always seems to be the case lol.

Here's my list so far:

Discretion/ Elizabeth Nunez
Eleven Minutes/ Paulo Coelho
The Kite Runner/ Khaled Hosseini
Pillars of the Earth/ Ken Follet (egads!!!!! this book is almost a thousand pages long!!!!!)
A Thousand Splendid Suns/ Khald Hosseini (not impressed)


I'll add more as I go along

***Happy New Year....and everything else***

It's been a while.

First off, Happy New Year!

2008, eh? Hopefully it's not as....colorful as 2007.

I came here tonight to wax poetically about my thoughts.

I'm not sure where to start or if i should.

The emotion is there. The thoughts are there and yet the words refuse to transcribe coherently what is on my mind.

i
hate
that.

**Rhetoric**

Isn't it ironic

that when we've erased all trace of what was

cleared our frontal lobe of all memory

that all it takes

is seven words

from an unknown phone

"hi stranger. How are you...it's _____________"

and i am once again

sucked

back

into you?

**flashbacks**

almost a month later and i find myself intermittently trapped in thoughts of you
flashbacks that brings a smile to my lips...a curve splaying across my face that seems to illuminate me from within
and with it...a frown that reminds me how much i hated the aftermath of the seemingly forbidden
and then the tears come...as i remember the last time
when you freed me....and in the same breath...trapped me within the cradle of your arms
these thoughts are the worse
to realize that I've lost what I've always wanted
but never really had
and now i crave you here once more
pulling you through the letters of your name that i trace with my fingers
highlighted by the glow on the screen
i dream you into being

Portia's Speech from the Merchant of Venice

I will forever love this excerpt:

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven,
Upon the place beneath.
It is twice blessed.
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
It is mightiest in the mightiest,
It becomes the throned monarch better than his crown.
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
An attribute to awe and majesty.
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptred sway,
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself.
And earthly power dost the become likest God's,
Where mercy seasons justice.
Therefore Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That in the course of justice we all must see salvation,
We all do pray for mercy
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render the deeds of mercy.
I have spoke thus much to mittgate the justice of thy plea,
Which if thou dost follow,
This strict court of Venice
Must needs give sentance gainst the merchant there.

Detox Mode

So i did a Colonic on sunday...interesting experience.
I did it purely for the health benefits...been meaning to give up a few things diet-wise and this seemed like a great way to get started. Then I realised that there were a few more things in my life that i needed to get rid of...people, things, excess baggage. So this is me letting go...of all the bad things/that i thought were good things/yet they could never have been good for me in the first place:-)
I'm eating better...healthier...i've lost a total of 7lbs AND my skin is the clearest that it has been in years. What makes it even better is that this is only day 5 on my detox. Then i've decided to go on a journey to discover what i need as opposed to what i want...lol...yeah this one should be fun. So until next time....this is me signing out